Yesterday

Yesterday
Before you left
I had the sense that the world was about to spin off its axis and crash into darkness
I felt something fall through me
Heavy like lead
This dread
Before you left

Before you left
I remembered you the way you were when we first met
In your mother’s flat
In your green cardigan
Your glasses broken
Offering me tea
I remembered you
A smiling face in photos on mantelpieces
Forever eight and twelve and fourteen
And I hurt for that small boy
And all the wonderful dreams he would dream
Before you left
I snapped at you for leaving footprints on the bathroom mat
I was angry and I shouted at you
And your face was suddenly that of another
And I wondered how we became strangers to each other so quickly
Before you left
I dreamt that we were back in Covent Garden the rain in our hair
And we were laughing and smiling
And you wanted me
And I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world
And your hand was warm in my own
And the world was our oyster

Yesterday
Before you left
I caught a glimpse of your chair empty in the afternoon sun
And this wave of longing
Struck me so deeply I could not stand
And an emptiness so deep and despairing washed over me
And I ran out onto the road
And I called your name
And you turned back
And you smiled like you used to smile
And
I loved you
But the words were stuck
And so I said nothing
On the day you left