Poem for a Big Ape

Where to now?
You have not left a map – the compass is broken and the moon switched off,
And the car’s gone, and I am barefoot
Walking a road of thorns.

Where would you have me be?
The gate shut – the doors locked, the stars sold or bartered for stones that fall –
Small meteorites that bruise
When I speak your name.

There’s no forwarding address,
No hope. No promise.
You took your toothbrush and my heart
And ruined the fairytale ending – my Casablanca, my Hollywood. My One time love.

So where to now?
When I can’t sleep for want of you
When time calls on ghosts that spin the reels that tell the story of us a thousand times.
When the gaps become holes and then craters and then quarries,
That ache for stones or water or you to fill them up-
Make them new,
Make them do.

Since when did my world become so destructible?
And when did you become King Kong?

Passage

On his deathbed my uncle saw his long lost brother
Beyond the visible before our fading faces
Some collector from the underworld came with pennies to bribe the ferryman
Safe passage past faithful Cerberus
A calling
We did not question his visions although they seemed beyond what we deemed possible
Instead we prayed for light and love and mercy.
Against the pillows his face a pale visage of a former self
Laughter long since silenced by morphine and pain
We waited and watched for death
Ill-equipped and unprepared
There is no manual for the passing
Nor the living
No guide that says this is a job well done
Mortality and its cloying sick note hang on every door
The inevitable collector will come.
Beyond the hospital and it’s sterile walls
Clouds gather and the rain beats down
A smile lights his face – his hand growing cold,
Skin parchment thin
A gust of wind bristles the autumn leaves rattlesnake below
And he makes his exit
Softly and silently
Our hearts heavy with the letting go

The Dancing girls

The dancing girls have come undone Henry said
Upon the stage the unraveled knot of all their beauty
Wound itself around the auditorium and strangled the empty chairs
Glitter rained down like blood and clung to every thing
A choke of feather boas lay naked
The carnage of some ancient and extinct bird
Blowing about the theatre – ironic flight – phoenix rising
A forlorn shoe with a broken heel points to the light
And outside, the box office manager sweats and struts and demands the return of those wayward dancing girls
While patrons call for refunds
On tickets that were half price
Skirting the silent stairs the sound of footsteps out onto the street
Somehow the moon is kind and the streetlights dim
Their blistered feet take respite from the cold pavement and their stockings long since laddered are left behind
The dancing girls are plain – their sequined skins remain
Tonight a feast, perhaps some wine
The music will play
But the dance is done

Unspoken

This will be the death of us you said
100km out of the city
Riding in your car with the windows open
My cigarette lit
I’d kill for a whiskey round about now
But I am dry as the desert
The countryside is a postcard from a tourist counter
Green hills that roll on and on to the skyline
Clouds that throb the whitest white
If it wasn’t so perfect I could live here
I count the stripes on the road
As the black tar slips beneath us
Every metre takes me further away from what I know
And the day is a mystery
Locked in my head
I think of things I’ve lost
A million miles away I float above the world
A missing satellite
A broken star
These silent thoughts like swallowing glass
You squeeze my hand
I wish I was an electrical cable
Able to transfer this knowledge straight to your heart
Like a phone line or an x ray
They would serve me better now than silence
Then my ability to talk
You are without doubt the best thing that ever came into my life
My sadness is not yours
You did not bring it
It lived before you
It lives without you
It’s a beautiful day I say
The clouds roll away and I squint in the sunlight
This will be the death of me.

For K

We will not always be this
Things will change
The moving parts, the tap root heart
Time will cement or tear apart
This will be the you I think of
Young and free
When stepping back through age
I recall that you, that me
Sitting on those cold stone steps
Smoking menthol's and drinking tea
These times will be the best of times
The things we wish for when we’re old
The cuts and bruises of our youth will be
tempered by the gradual loss of time
We’ll forget the angst and lovesick tears
And the boys who hurt us we’ll remember with smiles
And wonder ‘what if’ and ‘where’
Those words that smack of regret
I will recall your red hair
And the way you drank your coffee black
It will always be that girl I see
When I travel back
We will not always be this
We’ll change and grow and learn and be
But I think looking back through time
This is how I will remember you
To feel more like me.

For the Girls

For the girls born upside down
Fair of face, regal, yet without a crown
For those girls who just don’t care
Who wear sweet lilacs in their hair
For girls who bury secrets deep
Closer still their hearts do keep
Who knit their foreheads and limbs in knots
Who worship spring and forget-me-nots
For girls who dance to silly songs
And lie awake wondering what went wrong
Who stitch the silence to their skirts
Who fall and rise from the dirt
For the girls I never met
The ones the world will forget
For their voices soft and light
For their prayers that go unanswered through the night
For the girls I hoped to be
For the demons they set free
For their aching, gaping wounds
For the wishes that did come true
For the girls who wash the floor
Feed the babies and lock their doors
For the violation of their skin
For the hope that lives with in
For girls like me who come undone
Who worship shadows – avoid the sun
For girls who think they have no worth
The girls we raise to give birth
For the girls born upside down
Alone and wondering about town
I raise a toast and put it down
You girls
You bright inspired queens
I wish for you at night in dreams
I hope that life beyond the veil
Is a boat that will set sail
And take you where you want to be
The place that sets your sorrows free
For girls like me born upside down
Who never get to wear a crown
Who pierce the shadows of their fears
Who cry those dark and silent tears
I know you well though we haven’t met
You’re not alone, I won’t forget
Like you and all those girls before
Who mop the floors and lock the door
Who build the walls and pray for light
Who long since gave up on delight
I send a blessing on the wing
That someday your hearts will sing
That buried in your suffering
That one eternal, glowing thing
More valuable than diamond rings
The wish that at your blessed birth
You’re nourished on your own self worth.

Of Gods and Mortals

Apollo could speak no lie
He drew the sun across the sky
God of medicine, God of light
The dark winged crow in full flight
He left Diana the huntress fair
His sister beautiful and full of grace
Her arrow drawn to kill the stag
Goddess destroyer
Righteous hag
While Ceres
Runs the seasons down
And weeps for Persephone underground
All nature wild is her domain
Goddess of corn and grain
And Juno the queen
Of the Roman state
Protects her people and guides their fate
And Venus fair deity of love
Breaking hearts from up above
While lesser mortals down below
Pray for mercy, light, health, wealth and crops to grow
For rain and sunshine
For prosperity and hope
These little things that help us cope
For something greater than ourselves
For proof of heaven or to avoid hell
How fragile then we must seem
In our quest to glean
Some understanding of our plight
Knowledge to destroy the blight
That rids us of our ability
To discover immortality
Much time has passed
The years have flown
The winds of change so swiftly blow
GM crops we’ve learnt to grow
We rape the earth
We reap we sow
We plunder both land and sea
We forget our own humanity
Wars are waged at what greater cost
Than the precious lives we’ve lost
What great minds have we destroyed?
Making men out of boys
Armed with guns and MTV
We’re here for oil – and to set you free
Nuclear weapons do us proud
The worlds demise in a mushroom cloud
Enough however of doom and gloom
We’ve chartered rockets and walked the moon
We heal the sick
We council the mad
We dish out Prozac to cure the sad
We strive for peace
Freedom from pain
We endure suffering again and again
And if all else fails
There’s always Oprah
Who needs an oracle?
When there’s Deepak Chopra
And for a dose of sober humour
We have our own Jacob Zuma
Our lives are small in the grand scheme
But we live and love and hope and dream
And though we may battle or feel sad
We try to cherish what we have
We try to live without regret
We try to forgive and forget
We search for meaning
We long for truth
We hanker after elusive youth
So on your Birthday dear friend
I wish you joy that knows no end
I wish you comfort
I wish you light
I wish you the moral high ground in every fight
I wish you resilience
I wish you wine
I wish you prosperity
I wish you time
I wish you Apollo’s chariot to chase the sun
Diana’s prize when the hunt is done
Ceres fruits when life is bare
Juno’s protection everywhere
And finally I do implore
The aid of Venus from above
To generously and abundantly
Bless your life with love.